What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
