member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
