youre lurking in front of me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
