So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Are my feet made of real feet?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
