At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
