i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
