i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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