We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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