How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
