We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
