I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
