i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
