Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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