turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
