i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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