I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
