i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize