You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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