so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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