Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
