im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
