I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
