Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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