I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
