i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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