grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think I won the penis lottery.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
