pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
