"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
