I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
