I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
