Soap is not a condiment
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
