you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
