Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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