we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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