like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
