I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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