there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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