I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
