Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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