Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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