I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
