waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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