don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
