sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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