You really coming over, don't trick.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
