We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
