i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
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