i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
