Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
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