I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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