you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
