Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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